Faking Crazy
by twistedwidget
Summary: Five times Murdock faked being crazy versus one time he wasn't pretending. Face/Murdock
1. Sunny Days

This goes out to fuzipenguin on LJ as a belated birthday present. I was asked to do a 5 plus 1 story with the topic: Five times Murdock faked being crazy and the one time he wasn't pretending.

This is movie verse and will have slashy Face/Murdock elements.

Disclaimer: Blah blah... don't own characters. (As if any of you would have assumed I did had I not said anything to the contrary).

Chapter One: Sunny Days

Murdock was lightly dozing on one of the loungers set up near the grill when he felt a chill climb up his spine. He knew from the sudden desire to hum the wicked witch's theme from "Wizard of Oz" that Sosa had approached.

Sure enough… "Hey dipshit, where's Peck?"

The pilot pushed his hat back from his face and looked up at the stuck up bitch who would never be good enough for his best friend. Making a real effort to be at least civil to Temp's girl, Murdock shrugged. "Hannibal sent him to pick something up. I'll tell him you slithered… I mean stopped by." Civility was overrated anyway.

Charissa's eyes narrowed at the lanky ranger. "Don't bother. I'll wait here for him."

*Aw hell no no no! MAYDAY!*

Murdock racked his brain for anything that would keep him from having to share space without being forced to abandon his comfy spot. He grinned as inspiration suddenly stuck.

"Do to want you whatever do."

Sosa scrunched her nose as if she got a whiff of something particularly rancid. "What?"

The pilot rolled his eyes and sighed. "Myself repeat to have shouldn't I. Socializing are you which with those to attention pay not to rude it's know you don't?"

Charissa growled and declined to answer. She instead made herself comfortable on the closest chair despite the less than desirable company. Like the world famous chef, Emeril Lagasse, Murdock decided to "kick it up a notch".

"Day sunny…."

***An undetermined amount of time later***

Face sauntered back to the A-Team section of the base with Hannibal's newly requisitioned cigars. He paused and nearly dropped the box when what sounded like the roar of a wounded animal assaulted his ears. His eyes widened comically behind his aviators when H.M. Murdock sprinted by him singing something at the top of his lungs. On his heels and swinging what appeared to be one of B.A.'s larger socket wrenches was Lieutenant Charissa Sosa.

This time he did drop the box and pounced on his girlfriend. Face wasn't sure whether he did it to save Murdock from a concussion or Sosa from death. (Bosco wasn't very forgiving when any of his tools went missing, after all).

"Whoa, whoa, hang on!" He wrested the wrench from her surprisingly strong grip and shifted quickly to the side when the irate woman tried to knee him in the groin in retaliation.

During this struggle, Murdock proved exactly why he had been locked up in a secured mental ward when he came back in sight of the enraged woman. "Geez, what's wrong with your girl, Face? All I did was try to entertain her 'till you got there and she went psycho!"

"Let me guess… Les Misérables with the sock puppets again?" Templeton grunted when a flailing elbow caught him in the jaw, sending his sunglasses flying. Sosa redoubled her efforts to kill the lunatic pilot as he came closer and squatted down beside her and Peck.

H.M. scoffed. "She wishes! I chose a classic piece which has inspired countless generations and guided them on the right life paths." The pilot appeared to be legitimately angry that whatever he had chosen to do had sparked Sosa's ire. "Not only did I carefully pick the most perfect selection, I even decided on a custom arrangement which would have thrilled and amazed her if she were human!"

Charissa emitted a sound which nearly caused Face to lose control of his bladder. Murdock, on the other hand, tweaked her nose and stuck his tongue out at her.

"Dude, what did you sing?!"

Trying her best to claw out the pilot's eyes while he thumbed his nose at her, Sosa screamed. "He sang the Sesame Street theme… THREE TIMES IN A ROW! BACKWARDS! And then when I threatened to rearrange his colon he moved on to THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! ALSO BACKWARDS!"

The pilot had now turned around and was shaking his ass at her. Face, in a rare moment of true stupidity, giggled. "Man I love the Sesame Street theme!"

Realizing his faux pas, Templeton's eyes widened a split second before his girlfriend's fingers closed around his throat.

In retrospect, Murdock decided he had gone perhaps a bit too far in his endeavor. It took poor Facey a whole week to stop limping, and the involuntary flinch he gave every time B.A. asked about his missing wrench would probably also disappear with time. Though if the corporal knew where the tool had been he probably wouldn't want it back anyhow.

The only good to come out of the situation is Charissa Sosa never again chose to spend any time around Captain Murdock when it wasn't strictly necessary.


	2. Releasing Tension

Chapter Two: Releasing Tension

"Get us out of here, Murdock!" Hannibal's voice had just the right mix of command and panic. The pilot didn't hesitate as he began flipping switches and soon they were making good on their escape. Bullets ripped into the bird with horrible pinging sounds as they lifted off.

The captain jerked the controls suddenly to the right to avoid the two ton boulder knocked loose by the land slide which may or may not have started when the evil head honcho's jeep jumped the guard rail in an impressive ball of fire.

BA, who'd entered the Bell 412 helicopter completely against his will, paled three shades when something in the cockpit began emitting a frantic beeping sound. He tried to say, "Crash us and die, fool," but stress caused the threat to sound more like "Urgle ooh!"

Hannibal closed his eyes as another mountain seemed to be approaching them at a rapid pace. Murdock, meanwhile, didn't flinch. He wasn't worried about the upcoming mountain, or the fact that half of the control panel gauges suddenly stopped working. He wasn't even worried that B.A. seemed to be one catastrophe away from choking the life out of all of them. What did concern him, however, was the fact that he seemed to be leaking precious AB Negative blood at an alarming pace from a hole somewhere above his left hip.

Judging from the monosyllabic curses uttered from the usually unflappable Face, and the fact that the cool as a cucumber Colonel Smith still hasn't opened his eyes despite the fact the captain had side-stepped that itty bitty mountain moments before, Murdock decided to set about lessening the tension.

"Colonel!" Murdock screamed in an utter panic, causing Hannibal to snap his eyes open. "I don't see Billy! We left him behind!" He went to yank on his hair for effect, forgetting for a moment about the headset he was wearing over his red ball cap, and nearly pulled both off. He was mentally calculating the distance to the nearest hospital to get his new hole plugged up while frantically searching the floor of the aircraft for his invisible dog.

Face, as always, put his own fears aside and instinctively entered into the role of nurturer when his best friend started having an "episode". He reached forward and squeezed the pilot's shoulder, attempting to ground him. "It's okay, buddy… uhm… B.A.'s holding him in his lap because he was scared."

Bosco's head snapped up. "Say what?! Listen fool, I ain't holding no damned invisible dog that sure as **hell** doesn't exist in the first place, and what did I tell you about egging on that crazy fool?!"

Face glared back at the burly corporal. "Billy does **too** exist! He's real enough for Murdock, so he's real enough for me. You know what your problem is?"

"Besides the fact I'm saddled with two crazy mother fuckers on this team?!"

"Why you…."

Murdock ignored the resulting brawl in the back, along with the sounds of their leader doing his best to break his two boys apart before someone got tossed out of the sky accidently, (or even purposely). Instead he shook his head in the attempt to clear his vision, which had started going slightly fuzzy around the edges.

He nervously wiped the sweat from his eyes and squinted at the buildings which were coming into view, attempting to discern which one was the hospital. H.M. idly noticed that Hannibal had successfully derailed the physical portion of the fight at least, as now there was less scuffling and more yelling.

*Aha!* Finally spotting the landing pad he wanted, Murdock gently lowered them onto the huge white cross with the red letter "H" in the middle and powered down the helicopter. The other three immediately noticed they were no longer suspended in the air in a broken bird and abandoned the fight, and the flying machine, immediately.

He secretly wished for a camera so he could have captured the horrified looks of his brothers as he stepped from the cockpit, pale and shaking, with his entire left side coated in blood from the waist down. The last thing he remembers seeing before his eyes roll back in his head is Face running toward him, arms outstretched.

* * *

He wakes to beeping. Murdock blinks open his eyes, hand automatically reaching to wipe away the crusty remnants of slumber. He panics briefly when he realizes that he can't move his right hand before he glances down and sees a mass of blonde hair laying where he believes his hand should be if all is well in the land of Murdockia.

As his other senses kick in, he feels the rasp of stubble digging into his skin and comes to the conclusion that Face is using his hand as a pillow. At least there's no drool.

H.M.'s left hand seems to be trapped by an arm board whose purpose consisted of keeping secure the various and assorted medical tubing piercing his skin. He hoped his nose didn't start itching soon. Speaking of which, he sighed when he felt the annoying nasal cannula feeding him oxygen. Just thinking of it caused his nose to itch, so Murdock tried his best to inch his hand out of Templeton's grasp without waking him.

He should have known it was an impossible endeavor. After all, Face not only has the instincts of a Ranger, he has the instincts of a man forced to share close quarters with other men who are not above placing your hand in a bowl of warm water while you sleep.

"Murdock! You're awake!" *Way to state the obvious, buddy.* Murdock, finally able to scratch his nose, sighed in relief. A second later his eyes widened as Face wrapped his arms around the convalescing pilot, albeit gently, and started sobbing.

"Whoa… Face!" His voice was scratchy, and he generally felt like crap, but Face's need for comfort was greater. Ignoring his still itchy eyes, Murdock hugged his best friend, (and secret crush), closer to himself.

After his unusual showing of tears, Face sniffled and backed away. At first he seemed embarrassed, which was stupid really because how often had Face been the one to peel the pilot off the ceiling when his schizophrenia decided to rear its ugly mug? Thankfully he got over the moment of shame because suddenly the lieutenant broke out in a huge grin before bending down to pick something up off the floor. "Guess who I found nosing around the cockpit, looking for you when I went back to get our gear from the helicopter?"

Murdock's eyes widened with excitement when an invisible bundle was placed on his bed. He grinned happily, telling Billy what a good dog he was as he listened to Face explain exactly how he was able to sneak the imaginary dog past all the scary nurses and doctors.

Murdock didn't have the heart to tell his best friend that Billy had actually stayed back on base for this mission. He supposed such information was unnecessary anyway.

Billy would never tell.


	3. You're Having What? (Part 1)

Chapter Three: You're Having What? (Part 1)

In the weeks after Sosa split, also known to Murdock as "The Happy Happy Joy Joy Days of Pure Unadulterated Glee," Face hadn't quite gotten back into the swing of dating. This suited the crazy pilot fine, as he was determined to finally let Templeton Peck know that he was completely and utterly in love with him.

It was no secret to their unit that Face swung both ways. Kind of hard to miss that fact when you come in from a supply run to find your teammate performing fellatio on some fellow in the living room who was wearing nothing but a hard hat and an expression of bliss. The team members' reactions were all to be expected. B.A. rolled his eyes and headed for the motor pool. Hannibal smirked and went outside, telling a crimson Templeton that there were easier ways to ask for free cable.

And Murdock?

Well… Murdock blushed, squeaked, and let out a nervous giggle as he escaped to his room to solve the mystery of why his pants suddenly felt two sizes too small. For weeks, nay… **months** afterward the pilot's brain ruthlessly cut out the image of the strange construction worker and placed his own likeness there instead. Never before had he been so thankful for having an overactive imagination.

The pilot's own sexuality was never in question. The bullshit policy of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" was fine on paper but had little effect on a man with very few, (if any), social inhibitions. This was discovered early on, during the team's fledgling months when B.A. truly disliked and Face was still somewhat wary of the crazy man.

Face had been bent over, digging through a kitchen cabinet in search of the blender when he felt eyes on him. He turned his head and smirked upon catching Murdock in the act of ogling his derriere. "Like what you see, pal?"

It was obvious that, at the very least, Face anticipated H.M. would jerk his eyes away and blush uncontrollably. Perhaps there would be crazy babbling as the other man attempted to gloss over the fact that he'd just been busted with his fingers in the proverbial cookie jar.

Contrary to Templeton's expectations, however, Murdock slowly pulled his focus up to the conman's eyes and said matter of fact, "Yeah, you have a very fine ass, Faceyman. Do you employ a lot of squat thrusts in your fitness regime?"

It was one of the few times he could remember Face being truly speechless.

No… whatever problems that might stem from H.M.'s confession, the fact that they were both men wouldn't even enter into the equation.

Murdock sighed from his position in the cockpit of his UH-60 Black Hawk. He pulled his helmet off long enough to wipe the sweat from his brow while scanning the horizon for his team. Not that he was expecting trouble, as it was supposed to be a simple in and out gathering of intelligence. His job was to sit in his bird and look pretty while the other boys scoped out the lay of the land. All in all, pretty routine… not to mention boring.

It did give him ample time to work through his various frustrations in regards to the super sexy requisitions officer. He'd begun to wade through his feelings for the four hundredth and sixty-third time when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. A brief scan with the field glasses confirmed that it was his boys, so he automatically began preparing the helicopter for liftoff.

Tonight… he'd tell him tonight.

* * *

In celebration of a mission gone well, the four members of the army ranger's alpha unit went out for drinks that night. James nervously sat in a corner and nursed his beer as he watched the other three scout the bar for their potential soul mates - (or at least a satisfying tumble in the sheets).

He felt sick to his stomach as he watched Face talk to various girls and guys, getting more and more flirty as the time passed. He had already been terrified about going through with his plan to confess to his best friend, so the added stress was leaving him with the sensation that his stomach was about to crawl out his throat. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

It wasn't fair that he, a man who could interrupt a joint special forces meeting with a racy version of the Macarena (song **and** dance) simply because Lt. Disperro hadn't heard of it, was absolutely shaking in his army boots at the thought of possibly making things weird between him and his first true friend.

He did have a lot to lose… too much, even. He'd just about convinced himself to drop the whole idea and see if he could catch the eye of a guy who might swing his way when he saw it… the smirk. Templeton's tell. There weren't many quirks that Face allowed others to notice about him, (the man had a poker face to rival a statue's), but that particular smirk meant he was about to score.

The voluptuous blonde that currently had his attention was wearing a smirk of her own.

Game on.

Murdock stood up and rolled his shoulders. It was always good to limber yourself up before letting the crazy come out to play. After all, you never knew if the night was going to end up with you in a straitjacket or a prison cell. He downed the last of his drink for fortification and met Temp and his new lady friend moments before they reached the door.

His friend smiled as he caught sight of the manic pilot, giving Murdock a brief twinge of guilt for what he was about to do. He shook it off though, as this was going to take all of his focus. H.M. grabbed his friend's sleeve just as he'd opened his mouth to, presumably, introduce the woman and widened his eyes into his patented "kicked puppy" look that he knew was irresistible to the conman.

"Face… I did it. I know you said to wait 'till tomorrow, but I just had to know now!" He sniffled and gazed beseechingly into Templeton's deep blue eyes.

Confusion lit the visage of the blonde lieutenant, battling with the concern that was already there. "What is it buddy? What did you do?" He was probably already calculating the cost of bail money and/or figuring out how many higher ups owed Hannibal favors he could cash in. The pilot knew his next statement was going to completely blow every other thought out of his cute little head.

"I took that pregnancy test!"

*Okay… probably shouldn't have shouted that last part out.* At least twenty other patrons stopped talking mid-sentence to turn and gaze at the lunatic. Lowering his voice, he continued. "I know you said that you'd stay with me no matter what it said Temp, but it was positive and I'm scared, and… well I wanted you to know as soon as possible."

A bomb could have exploded behind the bar and Templeton Peck wouldn't have even glanced in that direction. His eyes contained a mixture of shock and confusion, the depths of which he had never before seen, and that was saying something considering how long they'd been teammates. "Uhm… Murdock, what… what are you talk… what preg… did you take your medication this morning?"

Murdock pretended to ignore the reason behind the medication inquiry. "Yes, but I think the fetus will be okay. The doc would have warned me to take birth control pills otherwise because he knew that you and I were sexually active." The blonde woman, no doubt already confused and disturbed by the conversation, left after that sentence with a horrified expression on her face. Her once potential bed partner for the night took no notice.

"He what… what did you… Murdock…."

Murdock wrapped his arms around his best friend, hoping this wasn't the last opportunity he'd ever get to do so, and wept. "Facey, I'm having your baby!"

* * *

To Be Continued (insert dramatic music here)….

_A/N: Part two of this chapter may or may not violate the policies at ffnet in regards to explicit sexual content. I don't know because I haven't yet written it. However, if that is the case I'll either post a cleaned up version here and the adult one at my LJ site (Link available on profile page) __**or **__part two will only be found there._


	4. You're Having What? (Part 2)

Chapter Three: You're Having What? (Part 2)

Murdock was sure his arm was going to bruise later as the conman jerked him into their shared room in the barracks. Red-faced from anger and humiliation, Face shoved the pilot through the door and slammed it closed. James remained silently watching as his (hopefully still) best friend repeatedly ran a hand through his hair, keying himself up for whatever he was about to throw at Murdock. The pilot hoped it would be words, but was ready for fists.

It didn't hurt to be prepared for every eventuality.

Hopefully wound down to a point where James didn't have to worry about losing his life, Templeton turned to face him. "Why?!"

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. *Moment of truth time… go big or go home… man up!* "Uhm… Billy told me she wasn't right for you."

*Oh god, how the fuck did I ever get past ranger training?*

Face grabbed the closest thing he could get his hands on, which was the bottle of lotion from his dresser, and hurled it at the wall inches from his head. H.M. flinched as the hard plastic hit drywall. "Try again, Murdock." Silence met the demand, causing the already tightly wound lieutenant to become even more agitated.

"God damn it James, what the fuck is wrong with you?! You told the entire fucking bar that you took a pregnancy test… which is fine; I don't have a problem with your being crazy and you know it. But **why** would you tell the **whole damned** bar that you and I were **fucking**?!"

James looked down at his boots as Face started pacing. He wondered if Temp was more disgusted at the idea that anyone would think he would stoop so low as to screw the crazy pilot. It wouldn't surprise him if he did. He prayed that, no matter what else came of this, he would still have a best friend come morning.

"More importantly, **why** would you tell the girl I'm taking home?! Have you completely lost all of your fucking…."

"Because I'm in love with you!" Templeton froze at his words, facing away from the other man. He jerked around to stare at Murdock. James wasn't looking at him, though, so he had no idea that the bright blue eyes he so adored had just softened with understanding.

Murdock hated himself for blurting it out like that, but was mainly frustrated because he couldn't make his body stop trembling. He knew he was on the cusp of losing something irreplaceable, but it was no excuse to throw his pride away as well. He was so focused on stilling the reflexive twitching that he jumped a mile when a soft hand grabbed his chin. A steady and gentle pull had H.M.'s terrified eyes meeting his friend's.

And then he knew.

He understood only seconds after their gazes caught that he was safe. Even if Templeton rejected his love, he'd never disregard **him**. A tear escaped the corner of his eye before he was even aware of its formation. His voice cracked when he repeated the words that had only moments before threatened to destroy everything he held dear. "I love you, Templeton."

Face looked away for a second. Murdock, believing it to be nothing more than his friend steeling himself before attempting a gentle letdown, reached out to grab the other man's hand in reassurance. "It's okay, Face. I'm not asking for anything here. This is just something that's been building up for awhile until I felt like I'd explode if I didn't at least tell you how I fmmmph…!"

James could never say how it happened. One second he was trying to make it easier for Temp to turn him down and the next he was being pushed against the nearest wall while his teammate attempted to crawl down his throat.

Kissing Face was nothing like kissing a girl. There were no soft curves, oily lip gloss, or flowery perfume to contend with. As his fingers wrapped around Templeton's broad, muscled shoulders his lungs were gloriously filled with the scent of Tommy cologne and sweat. The velvet of his tongue fiercely fought his in the instinctive male quest for dominance.

Once his brain overpowered his libido, Murdock pushed Temp away. He searched the other's face for any sign that the lieutenant would live to regret this moment. "Facey are you sure this is what you want, because I'm not looking for a one night stand."

Templeton smiled and reached up to tuck a strand of the pilot's hair behind his ear. "That's good buddy, because I'm not offering one." He grabbed H.M.'s hand and squeezed before leading him towards his bed. "Truth is, James, I've been in love with you for awhile."

Murdock's brow furrowed as he puzzled over that admission. "Why didn't you…." He was interrupted by a finger pressed to his lips.

Face sighed. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to fuck up what we had." They sat side by side, slightly facing each other. "You're my best friend, Murdock, but you're more than that to me. You're family, and I'd rather die than lose you."

James grinned at the way Temp's fears had mirrored his own. If only they had come clean to each other years ago, perhaps all of this awkwardness could have been avoided.

He reached up to tenderly stroke the other man's jaw. H.M. leaned in and whispered, "Feeling's mutual," before pressing their lips together once more.

Unlike before, the kisses weren't rushed. Murdock shifted until he was straddling Face's lap. He gently rubbed the swelling in his pants against its counterpart until they were both moaning steadily into each other's mouths.

Lost in the sensation of making out, Murdock didn't notice he was being lowered onto the bed until his back made contact with the springy mattress. He released the kiss and brushed Templeton's sweat-soaked hair out of his face as his shirt was slowly unbuttoned. He reached up to relieve the conman of his own shirt, but had to pause as the sinful hands grazed the skin of his newly uncovered chest.

He moaned when his nipples were brushed with calloused fingers, and was helplessly arching with the near tickle of a hot wet tongue dipping into his bellybutton. Finally they were both shirtless, and Murdock tensed seconds before pushing up and pinning Face to the bed. Beginning his own exploration of the well-toned chest, H.M. smiled against tanned skin each time he uncovered a sensitive spot.

It seemed Face really loved to have his nipples played with. James relentlessly licked, lapped, and nibbled upon each in turn, reducing Temp to a moaning puddle before leaving the nubs and heading south. He was sucking a love bite below Face's right ribcage while simultaneously unbuckling his belt.

Pilots were notoriously excellent at multitasking.

Murdock stood up, removing Templeton's pants and boxer briefs before pausing to remove the rest of his own clothes. Once they were both fully bare, he climbed back upon the bed, once more meeting the sexy mouth with his own.

Their positions were once again reversed as Face soon had his lover trapped beneath him. He pulled back, kiss swollen lips raised in a smirk. It was **the** smirk.

James' last thought before being taken on the wildest ride of his life was, *Oh yes, baby… you're definitely gonna score tonight.*

* * *

_A/N: Okay, I changed my mind. (It happens). In regards to sexual situations, this is all the naughtiness I'm going to write between the boys. This version should be safe enough to post under ffnet's "M" rating, so I'm not going to tackle a more adult rendition at this time._


	5. What's the Buzz?

Chapter Four: What's the Buzz?

The great thing about cons is that when employed correctly, they can be used to get fabulous things for little or no cost to the con artist. If you're good at the trade, you can have even the most tight-fisted son of a bitch handing over everything he owns. If you're even better, he'll be thanking you for the opportunity to give you all of his worldly possessions.

Face is even better than that. In fact, as far as his team is concerned, he's the best.

Unfortunately, cons aren't always successful, despite the skills of the con artist. And when they blow up in your face things can get very dangerous, very quickly.

Templeton Peck knew this, of course. He'd been pulling confidence tricks on people since he was old enough to say, "May I have your milk?" And if you thought scamming a high dollar luxury automobile was tough, then you've never tried to talk a first grader out of his chocolate milk.

It was just his luck that the arms smuggler's true attorney decided to treat his girl at the very same restaurant Face chose to meet the A-Team's current target. He was posing as Andy Fox, supposed law partner of I.M. Shyster and Associates.

Okay, it wasn't the guy's real name, but did he have to come to the restaurant tonight and decide to trade small talk with his client?

All he'd needed was access to the man's office and all his personnel files, not to mention financial records and shipping manifest. Looks like he'd dressed in his finest suit for nothing.

Thank goodness Hannibal refused to send him in without backup. Sitting in the corner behind a potted plant, and posing as a businessman on his lunch break, was Murdock. He exuded boredom, hiding himself behind a newspaper whilst simultaneously listening in on Face's scam via the earpiece Bosco had crafted last night. Damn, but the man was a wizard at micro technology.

As the lawyer made his excuses and left, the gun runner motioned two big ass goons from their place a few tables away. Face refused to let the fear he was feeling inside show. Somehow he thought that these two behemoths would have no problem starting a firefight in the middle of a busy high dollar establishment like Chez Richard.

Once he was flanked by Dumb and Dumber, the arms dealer, Eduardo Ramon decided to begin the inquisition. "Tell me, Mr. Fox, if that's your real name, who are you working for?"

"Excuse me," Face jerked his head up as soon as he heard his lover's voice, "but I was passing by and couldn't help but overhear your question. I hate to be nitpicky about anything, but you should never end a sentence with a preposition."

Ramon raised an eyebrow at the brazen interruption. "I beg your pardon, Mr…?"

Murdock smiled. "Name's Harris… Tom Harris. I teach English at the university. "What I was saying was you ended your sentence incorrectly. It should have been: 'Tell me, Mr. Fox, if that's your real name, for whom are you working?'"

Everyone at the table was speechless. Just as Ramon began to turn an unattractive shade of crimson and before he could presumably order Murdock's immediate execution, the crazy pilot grabbed his head in both heads and whined, "Okay, mom! Geesh… can't a guy start off with a little conversation first?!"

James sighed, then turned his attention back to the crime boss. "I'm so sorry to bother you again, but would you happen to have any honey?"

The goons looked at each other, then their boss. Ramon, still looking incredibly pissed, choked out, "honey?"

"Yes, darling. The whole teacher thing was just a cover to get you to listen to me. Now, this may sound bizarre, but it's the god's honest truth." He lowered his voice conspiringly, "You see, when I was a baby I was abandoned in a park and the local hive of bees took me in and raised me."

Everyone's jaws dropped, including Templeton's. Murdock seemed to interpret it as, "oh please tell me more," and continued.

"Anyway, mom… Her Majesty to you guys… sends me out with my sisters to collect nectar and pollen. Unfortunately I was born without a pollen pouch, and my socks don't work well enough, so I decided to just scout the area looking for already made honey.

"The only problem is now the entire hive has gotten lazy, and my sisters are threatening to sting me to death if I don't up my productivity. So that's why I'm here bothering you fine… uh oh!" James had snapped his head up and looked off to the left. Unable to help themselves, Ramon and the two thugs followed his gaze. Templeton, meanwhile, kept his eye on his lover as James discreetly motioned him toward the kitchens.

Before the bad guys were able to notice the conman sneaking away, Murdock fell to the ground and began thrashing about like he was, indeed, getting stung by a swarm of angry bees. "No! **NO**! Get off of me! I'm sorry guys… **ouch** **Sara**, not in the jewels!"

* * *

The A-Team van pulled up to the curb just as Murdock was being tossed out of the restaurant on his ass. He stood up and dusted himself off before climbing in. Face, grinning, patted him on the shoulder as he climbed over him to get to his seat. "Excellent diversion, buddy!"

Murdock smiled confusedly. "What diversion?"

* * *

_I was high on cold medicine when I was writing this. I can't wait to reread it later..._


	6. Liability

Chapter Five: Liability

They were captured!

Murdock groaned when he noticed the group of four ragtag misfits that had the nerve to call themselves a "militia" surround them on all sides. Though, he thought as he tossed down his Heckler & Koch MP5, if so-called "misfits" could take him and his team down then was there really any hope for them to get out of this alive?

He suddenly had a plan which, (if these guys were as dumb as they looked), could prove to give his unit an ace in the hole.

Pulling together every ounce of his acting ability, James began to fake a seizure. He dropped like a stone and began sporadically jerking his body, making certain to appear to have absolutely no control. And because "laying it on thick" was one of his many specialties, he even made sure to bite his tongue. Surely the blood dripping from his mouth was a nice effect.

*Tom Hanks, eat your heart out.*

Of course there hadn't been time to alert his boys of this, so their reactions were genuine. Face ignored the approaching threat and dropped to his knees beside the convulsing pilot. He jerked a pen out of Hannibal's pocket and thrust it between his teeth to prevent any new damage to his best friend's tongue.

Hannibal held tightly to Murdock's shoulders from the other side to keep him from hurting himself while B.A. looked on with worry. "What the hell happened to him, man?"

No one answered as the goons let loose a spray of bullets meant to get their attention. Hannibal and Face reluctantly stood, the latter taking a second to push James' sweaty hair away from his unfocussed eyes.

Going for the Oscar win for "Best acting in a hostage situation," Murdock gradually stopped the seizure and forced himself into a state of catatonia. He moved his mind to a Zen state of tranquility, letting nothing through that wasn't of use to him.

Which was super great because jackass flunky number 4 on his left decided to test to see if he was feigning by blowing a hole in his leg. Amazingly enough, he reacted to nothing. He neither twitched from the excruciating pain nor the sound of his teammates spewing expletives that would be considered too crass around a bar full of drunk sailors.

Damn he loved his unit.

Still in his altered state of consciousness, James was vaguely aware of his friends' hands being bound with rope before they were patted down for remaining weapons and forced into a march toward the other guys' compound.

One jackass took point, one in the middle with the prisoners, and one rear guard. That meant… yep - one left behind to kill the pilot-turned-liability. Thankfully the group was out of sight before jackass number 4 placed the barrel of his piece of shit weapon to his temple. He owed this motherfucker for the leg wound, and he was about to repay.

Snapping back to lucidity, Murdock grabbed the gun and jerked it away from his head and into the guys prominent nose. Blood splattered the guys face as he went down. The broken nose looked painful, but fortunately for him, (if he was a "glass half full" sort of guy), his would-be victim was about to put him out of his misery. One shot to the brain, and flunky number four had nothing else to worry about.

He knew the sound of the gun would cause grief when it carried to his team, but there was no other alternative. If the shot hadn't been heard, someone would have been suspicious and this might have turned from a hostage situation to a hostage situation gone wrong with the guys being used as bait.

Ripping off a large strip of fabric from the dead guy's shirt, Murdock bound his bleeding leg as tightly as he dared. He knew this venture was going to be agonizing, but there was no other choice but to "man up" and make the best of it. At least the bullet went straight through, miraculously missing both main artery and bone.

He took a moment to screw a suppressor onto his M9 Beretta pistol and took to the trees.

Silently making his way through the treetops, Murdock soon came upon the rear guard. He was out of sight of the rest of the scumbags, and seemed to be looking for someone. James figured he was waiting on the corpse behind them to catch up.

*You would've been waitin' an eternity, pal.*

Slipping back to the ground like a ghost, the crazy pilot pulled a length of wire from one of his vest pockets and snuck up behind the soon-to-be-dead jackass number three. Murdock caught the man as he dropped to the ground and pulled him off of the trail. Even though there was no evidence of anymore patrols in the area, it wouldn't do to get sloppy.

Hannibal was already going to ream their asses for getting caught.

Climbing back into the nearest tree, Murdock continued stalking the group. He soon caught up with them, and took a moment to verify the health of the three men who meant more to him than his own life.

Hannibal was tense-jawed and angry. James knew that if the colonel had been lucky enough to have been allowed one of his cigars, he'd have been chewing it to a pulp at that moment. He looked like a man desperate for a plan, but nothing coming to mind.

Bosco… well, if Hannibal looked angry, then the big guy was livid. The bad guys were lucky that B.A.'s bonds were pretty solid, otherwise they'd get a quick lesson on why no one not on their team dared to get on his bad side.

And Facey… Murdock took one look at the well of despair that colored the normally happy-go-lucky conman's façade and had to turn away. There were so many things wrong with seeing sadness on that beautiful face, so he'd have to work on making it glow with joy again soon.

No time like the present.

Taking a moment to breathe through the pain of his leg, Murdock pulled out his pistol and prayed the silencer would be enough to keep the sound from traveling to the nearby compound. He'd never be the sharpshooter that Face was, but he was currently highly motivated to not miss.

He targeted the point man first. With a slight pop, the man dropped from a bullet wound to the head. Thankfully the other baddie was walking to the left of his team and he didn't have to worry about catching one of them in the crossfire. With barely three seconds from the first shot, jackass number two had shifted off this mortal coil.

In true action hero fashion, Captain James Murdock jumped down to land beside the three gaping rangers. Naturally, the effect was spoiled when his leg chose that moment to go on strike. The only thing saving him from a face full of dirt was Hannibal's convenient shoulder.

He pulled out his KA-BAR combat knife and made short work of the ropes binding his comrade's hands together. Thankfully he saved Face for last, because as soon as the con artist was free Murdock found himself in a hug so tight that he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to catch his breath.

All in all, he loved it when a plan came together.

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	7. Make it Stop

Author's Note: The idea for the final chapter came from watching last week's episode of "Grimm." Also, I couldn't stop myself from using at least one "Penguins of Madagascar" reference in this story. Virtual prizes go to those who can identify it.

Chapter Six: Make it Stop

It happened so gradually that Murdock didn't even know he was under attack until he was crashing.

At first it was nothing. A few new characters joined he and one of his oldest ones for breakfast. He and Billy had welcomed Colonel Tootie McPhee and Mr. Jiggles in true Murdock fashion. Of course this meant entertaining the team with their exploits until B.A. had his hands wrapped around his neck, yelling, "Shut your fool-ass mouth before I fill it with concrete!"

Nothing new.

But then he began seeing others throughout the day. British scientist Phil Leedermeyer engaged Lucy Grubworm in a debate over whether or not it was fair to issue parking fines to people who park their car longer than the time permitted. Face had had to snap his fingers in front of his face three separate times to get him to refocus his attention on his task of taking inventory of the team's artillery.

In his defense, Lucy was a six foot tall talking grub worm… how could he not be distracted? It looked as though Mr. Jiggles had taken the side of Phil, but he wasn't certain because the quivering pile of jell-o had no face - much less a mouth.

During lunch he noticed even more imaginary beings and felt the first stirrings of concern. To Bosco's great relief, he kept quiet about the hallucinations this time.

* * *

Face was worried about his pilot. During inventory his mind kept wandering, and he seemed to be tracking things in the room that only he could see. Okay, maybe that wasn't so unusual for Murdock, but this behavior was accompanied by a gradual increase of twitchiness.

He'd discretely checked James' prescription levels, thinking he was going through some type of withdrawal. It wouldn't be the first time the pilot forgot to take his meds… just like he sometimes forgot to eat, sleep, and remove his clothes before showering. The drug counts were all where they needed to be, however, so he tried to put the worry out of his mind.

Then lunch brought about more twitching, and worse - silence. Of course B.A. would disagree about it being worse, stating anytime Murdock was quiet was a blessing. But no one knew his lover better than Templeton Peck, and he knew that any time James quit making noise his brain was up to something. Silence was usually a precursor to a rough patch, often associated with his schizophrenia.

He needed to figure out some way to either help his pilot fight whatever battle was raging inside his head, or find someone qualified to go in there after him.

Perhaps he'd talk to Hannibal and get his opinion on the matter. He knew the boss kept in touch with an old war buddy of his who retired from service and became a psychiatrist. Dr. Herbert Madison, he thinks is his name. This doctor believed in their innocence, so hopefully he wouldn't be adverse to performing a little "back-alley" healing.

He briefly thought about a psychiatric hospital, but vetoed the idea before it could even form. They couldn't take the chance of becoming separated from H.M. Even with an alias there was always a risk of recognition. No… there was no way Face was going to give the government the opportunity to make his lover disappear into the system or be used as bait to trap the rest of their unit.

No way in hell.

That thought was interrupted as he heard a shrill scream pierce the air coming from the upstairs bedrooms. He thoughtlessly dropped the cup of coffee he'd been holding to the floor and sprinted for the stairs. On the way there was a brief struggle as he, Bosco, and Hannibal all reached them at the same time, but his desperation to get to his mate gave him the strength he needed to elbow past B.A.

He heard a muffled curse behind him, but couldn't be bothered to care at the moment.

Templeton reached the bedroom he shared with the pilot in record time and found him crouching on top of the dresser, prescription bottles of meds scattered across the floor as they lost their previous spot on top of the wooden piece of furniture.

"James, baby, talk to me… what is it? What's wrong?" His voice was an octave higher from stress and his hands were shaking. He'd half expected to find the man being dismembered or something equally horrendous, judging from the level of agony heard in his shriek.

There was no answer other than a slight tightening of the fingers clutching the sides of his head. *Okay, his hands are blocking his ears, so perhaps he can't hear me.* He reached out to grab H.M.'s shoulder.

Big mistake.

Like a tightly-coiled spring, Murdock threw a punch so strong it could have laid B.A. out cold. Well… probably not, but he definitely would have staggered for a moment. Nevertheless, the only reason that Face's head was still on his shoulders was a mixture of incredible speed and deeply ingrained survival instincts.

The blow glanced off of his jaw, stunning him for a moment. There would be a hell of a bruise later, but for now he chose to be thankful he was still alive. It's easy to forget sometimes how much muscle was hidden under James' brightly colored t-shirts and leather jacket. Though Templeton figured the only reason they underestimated him so much was because it usually took a lot to get Murdock riled up enough to lash out with fists. He preferred the subtle art of fucking with his enemies minds and left the fool pitying to the human tank they called B.A.

After lashing out, Murdock tried to back away from whatever monster he saw and ended up falling off of the dresser. There was a brief clatter as he tried to get to his feet only to lose his balance thanks to the pill bottles peppering the floor.

"Captain Murdock, report!" Hannibal's voice was hard and commanding. Face knew the colonel thought his pilot was stuck in a flashback and was attempting to snap him out of it. He also knew it wouldn't work.

Sure enough, James clutched at his hair and slid his body sideways toward the queen-sized bed. He knew that Murdock was planning to crawl beneath the bed as soon as he reached it, so Face quickly inserted himself between his lover and his target.

Because Murdock had his eyes squeezed shut, he was unaware of Face's obstruction until he'd practically crawled into the man's lap. He gasped with fright and opened the green orbs immediately. When he saw Templeton he gave a choked sob and fisted his hands into the soft cotton shirt. Relieved beyond words that James at least recognized him, Face wrapped his arms around him tightly and began a slow rocking motion. He had hoped to calm him with the familiar motions, but whatever was torturing the other man was rooted too deeply to be so easily moved.

Hannibal recognized the best way to help his pilot was to back off a bit and let the lieutenant try to bring him back. He and B.A. took a seat at the end of the bed to wait out this episode.

Face kept rocking, (and even began to hum "Three blind mice"), giving Murdock something to latch on to until he was able to tell him what was wrong. Running his fingers incessantly through the soft brown hair, he eventually felt his partner begin to relax. He had no idea how long they had been sitting on the cold floor, but his tailbone was killing him. Still he continued with the soothing motions.

Sensing Murdock was as calm as he was going to get until the problem was resolved, Face pulled back a bit and cradled the captains face. "Tell me, baby."

James' eyes kept darting off to the side, but Temp knew it wasn't in avoidance of the question. Finally he took a deep breath and said, "There's too many of them Facey… I can't keep up."

"What's that crazy fool…." Bosco's voice stopped suddenly, most likely due to Hannibal silencing him. Thank goodness, because this situation needed to be handled with the utmost care. Face knew from personal experience how much caution was required to wade through the minefield that was Murdock's psyche.

"Too many what, baby? Tell me so I can help you."

James shook his head tightly, (not as a response to Face), but in frustration. "Can't help me, Facey. They crowd around, talking… all at the same time." Face gently grabbed the hands that had crept back into the pilot's hair. He coaxed Murdock into releasing the strands and held them firmly, rubbing his thumbs over the backs.

Understanding finally what was going on with his lover, Face asked, "Have you tried asking them to leave, buddy?"

Murdock scoffed. "They won't leave. Won't even talk to me no more. I may not be as interesting as a giant grub worm and a green jell-o monster, but… I… **shut up**!" He clenched his eyes as if in pain. "Can't concentrate, Facey… they won't shut up! There's too many!"

Face nodded and nuzzled the side of the pilot's head before placing a gentle kiss on his temple. He motioned to Hannibal to open his bedside drawer.

Hannibal raised an eyebrow at him after spotting the contents. Face knew what he was seeing. Condoms, lube, various sex toys… things you really don't want your commanding officer/father figure to be digging through. Nevertheless, he couldn't afford to let go of H.M. and the situation was desperate. "At the very back, Hannibal."

Reaching in warily, John dug until his fingers felt the familiar shape of a syringe. When sharing a life, not to mention a bed, with a schizophrenic bi-polar man prone to violent episodes, it would be stupid not to keep sedatives on hand.

Face tried to be silent as he prepared to send his partner into a drugged oblivion. Murdock hated to be incapacitated more than anyone the con artist had ever met. It mattered not whether it be with drugs or bindings. It was the familiar smell of the alcohol swab that brought Face's intentions to James. He flinched before sighing despondently and shocked all three men by baring his arm to Templeton.

Face's heart broke at the thought of H.M. going through so much mental torture that being sedated was a more desirable option. He'd been fully prepared to have Hannibal or Bosco hold the man down in order to inject the medicine.

He wasted no more time and slid the needle into the pale skin before handing their CO the spent syringe to discard. He gently cradled his lover as the sedative began working, brushing the hair back from his face. Murdock finally went completely limp, and Face had B.A. help get him into bed.

Templeton undressed James down to his t-shirt and boxer-briefs before covering him with a light blanket. He leaned down to kiss the sweaty forehead once more before leaving the room with the two others.

They had a doctor to call.

The End

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Thanks to all who reviewed... you are the true inspiration for the writers, whether you believe it or not. I have a few more pieces I'm working on, so check my profile page if you like my writing style and Murdock angst.


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